NDTV went time travelling into the future and did an Internet search for KPS Gill.
To our surprise, we found out that India and Pakistan have become one country, Osama has been captured, there are more tigers left in India than hockey players – and KPS Gill is still the IHF president at age 200.
Read the headlines yourself…
2010 – India finish last in hockey World Cup
India finished 12th in the men’s hockey world cup. IHF chief KPS Gill blamed the loss on the film Chak De India for unnecessarily raising people’s hopes from hockey. He refused to resign.
2015 – India win cricket World Cup
Sachin Tendulkar, aged 42, hit a century against Australia to help India win the world cup final. Meanwhile, India’s hockey team slipped to world rank 24. IHF chief KPS Gill blamed it on the Indian media for promoting cricket and ignoring hockey.
2020 – Gill takes over Gilli Danda Federation
KPS Gill, who is also the IHF chief, took over as the president of Indian Gilli Danda Federation. The Indian team had won the Gilli Danda gold in the last Olympics and are the current world cup holders. “I will put the Gill in Gilli”, Gill, 85 years old, joked. Meanwhile, India’s hockey team has slipped to rank 50 out of 75 teams.
2025 – India finish last in Gilli Danda World Cup
India finished last in the recently concluded Gilli Danda world cup in Washington DC. The IGDF chief KPS Gill, also the IHF chief, refused to resign from his post and blamed the defeat on Lalit Modi, the chairman of the Cricket Champions League, for not keeping his promise of promoting other sports in India.
2030 – Osama captured, Gill pleased
After 30 years of searching him, the US army finally managed to capture Osama Bin Laden. KPS Gill, who had fought off militancy in Punjab, congratulated the US. Meanwhile, India’s hockey team is ranked last among all hockey-playing nations. Gill, who has been the IHF chief for the last 39 years, blamed creatures from outer space for the slip. “Our best players have been abducted by aliens,” Gill said.
2035 – Census shows there are more tigers than hockey players
Latest research suggests that the number of tigers remaining in the Indian wild is seven. That number is still larger than the number of people who play hockey in India. The IHF chief KPS Gill, who recently turned 100 years old, blamed today’s youth for hockey’s decline. “Kids are too lazy these days,” he said.
2040 – Kashmir issue resolved, Gill wants to head Kashmir hockey federation
After Kashmir was deemed an independent state by both India and Pakistan, IHF chief KPS Gill showed interest in heading the Kashmir Hockey Federation. “Look at my fantastic achievements as the IHF president,” he proudly said. “An Asian Games gold 42 years ago, an Asia Cup win 35 years ago ”
2045 – Latte Day goes bankrupt after Gill appointed brand ambassador
Latte Day, a popular coffee chain in India, went bankrupt two weeks after appointing KPS Gill as their brand ambassador. Gill lamented: “Making instant coffee is not like making instant coffee. It takes a lot of time to get results.” He later denied having said that and blamed the media for misquoting him.
2057 – Chak De stars gather at 50th anniversary
Shah Rukh Khan, Vidya Malvade and other actors in Chak De India gathered at the 50th anniversary celebration of the film. They blamed the IHF chief KPS Gill for the poor state of Indian hockey. Meanwhile, Gill accused Shah Rukh and his Cricket Champions League winning Kolkata Knightriders for stealing sponsors away from hockey.
2065 – Oxford Dictionary adds the word ‘KPSGill’
The Oxford English dictionary added the word KPSGill to their latest edition. The word means someone who cannot be reasoned with. Gill, who still heads the IHF at age 130, blamed today’s corporate culture for hockey’s decline in the country. Meanwhile, young managers have learnt a new way to lament: “My boss is such a KPSGill!”
2080 – India-Pakistan become one country
The impossible happened. India and Pakistan, after many years of enmity, become one country. The prime ministers of both states honoured IHF chief KPS Gill, who is the last surviving person to have witnessed the partition. At a function, Gill blamed the partition for the decline in Indian hockey, but expressed interest in heading the hockey federation of both countries.
2100 – Last hockey player in India bored
Gyan Chand Singh, who is said to be the last hockey player in India, is disappointed that there’s nobody around to play the game with. “I am bored playing defence, offence, mid field and goalie at the same time – for both teams,” said Singh, who is related to hockey great Dhyan Chand. IHF chief KPS Gill, aged 165 years, ruled out resigning from his post even as there were protests in India over the decline of hockey.
2110 – Gill wards off attack from UFO
IHF chief KPS Gill, using only a hockey stick, warded off an attack from vicious aliens from outer space and saved the Earth from annihilation. When the creatures were contacted, they told the media that they got scared by the 175-year-old man’s formidable reputation and decided not to attack the planet. Gill blamed hockey players for the attack on him: “There aren’t enough hockey players left to abduct, so the aliens attacked me instead.”
2135 – Last hockey player in India dies
The last hockey player in India, Gyan Chand Singh, died today in poverty. The president of the IHF, the 200-year-old KPS Gill, refused to take the blame for player’s poverty. “The players have died, not me,” he said.
This is a satirical take on Indian hockey with no offence meant to any individual. Tip of the hat to Arjun, Sundaresha and Nirmal.